Why You Sabotage the Things You Actually Want

You want to start going to the gym. You don't go.

You want to leave a job that makes you miserable. You find reasons to stay.

You want to be more open emotionally. You shut down every conversation.

This isn't laziness. It's self-sabotage.

I'm reading "Your Pocket Therapist," and there's this concept called the "internal saboteur."

It's the voice inside that was formed from all the negative judgments you absorbed growing up. It started as a protector, trying to keep you safe from shame and rejection when you were young.

But as an adult? It does more harm than good.

The saboteur keeps reminding you of past mistakes. It catastrophizes about the future. It ruins relationships and opportunities before they even start.

Not because it wants you to fail. Because it's trying to protect you from being hurt in the ways you've been hurt before.

Here's what the book says: the very thing that once kept you safe is now the cause of your suffering.

Look at the pattern:

You really want to start working out, but you never make it to the gym. What might be happening underneath? Maybe you don't believe you deserve to take care of yourself. Or you're afraid of being uncomfortable. Or you think you'll be bad at it, so you don't try.

You say you want to be more open, but you avoid every emotional conversation. What might be underneath? Maybe you're terrified of being vulnerable.

You're unhappy in your job but find reasons you can't leave. What might be underneath? Maybe happiness feels scary because it might get taken away. There's safety in staying with something familiar, even if it's making you miserable.

The saboteur isn't trying to ruin your life. It just has a warped understanding of what help looks like.

Instead of blaming yourself for self-sabotage, get curious.

What is this behavior trying to protect you from?

Once you see it, you can talk back to it.

What's one thing you keep sabotaging, and what might your internal saboteur be trying to protect you from?

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Thanks for reading!

Selim